alexist

20th August. eep.

I polished off my airmiles (with airmiles, a one way ticket is just half the miles of a return), but man, a one way ticket is £££ as it has to be purchased full fare. Also, the taxes and fees cost £200 each. (We're flying Premium Economy. I had the miles, once you're paying for an unrestricted full fare ticket it's not much more, and it will be a lot easier. Plus, extra luggage.)

Plus side of megabux tickets: I can change for free if I need to (well, free on Aliza's, £25 for me).

(Americans: Peter and Jane are the British equivalent of Dick and Jane.)

Peter and Jane went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

At least they would have, had the hill not been allocated through EU Regulations as a location of ethnic interest, leaving the hill to be populated by Polish Asylum seekers who were fetching the pail of water for half the cost that Peter used to get paid for carrying.

Peter meanwhile is claiming disability allowance for a back-injury received fetching the heavy water-filled bucket, but our photographer snapped Peter coming out of a lapdancing club where hehad been selling drugs.

Jane had 4 kids and is claiming many benefits, despite her appearances on X-Factor, Big Brother and the Weakest Link, and her autobiography 'The pain of my life' is available this week and is serialised in today's Daily Mail.