alexist

(I wrote this at my in-laws last week and forgot to post it... so here it is now)

Very depressing article in the Independent Magazine this week about the whole "princess" trend in girls' toys.

I don't know if it's online, but some choice quotes:

The Europe product director for Disney's Princess range:
"The core age for the Princess range is two to six years old. Girls at that age tend to be spending a lot of time at home and are influenced by mum and family. Key themes in the princess stories tend to resonate with their experiences. Snow White is a nurturing character: she cooks and cleans and looks after the Seven Dwarfs. Belle is very compassionate..."

May I barf, please? I don't want my daughter defining herself that way. I want strong, confident kids who think of themselves as individuals, not gender stereotypes, and I don't want toy companies forcing my kids into gender tickboxes because it suits their marketing. (And let me say again that I HATE HATE HATE the gender divide in toys. Yes, some toys do appeal more to girls or to boys, but the stores/manufacturers seem to think girls = "pink and sparkly" and boys = "anything that looks mentally challenging". You can bet that Aliza will be getting plenty of toys that come from the 2nd category! (A little pink is OK, but I draw the line at some of the things I read about. And yes, I know that you can't force your children to be a certain way, but that doesn't mean they get free rein either. Given the amount of marketing and advertising directed at them, their choices can hardly be construed as free or independent.)

I'm a stay at home mother, and I'm happy. But I'm happy because I chose it and it's what I wanted to do. No one ever told me that that was my role in life. I have my own identity and I've chosen my path. It's true that I didn't have a career, but that didn't mean I had to go have kids because hey, what else is there to do?

And, a truly dumb quote from a supposed "leading Scottish psychologist with expertise in children and gender differences" (after claiming that "in all cultures, pink is a girl's colour"):
"Nor is the emphasis on beauty and blondeness a problem. 'The truth is that in our culture certain things are valued. Pretty women are more likely to be offered jobs than ugly one. There is no harm in teaching people to make the best of their looks. It's a fact of life.' He adds: 'The feminists object strongly to this kind of thing. But they object to anything that differentiates men and women. By and large, women are more responsive and mature than men. It's a fact of life.'"

The use of the phrase "the feminists" is a dead giveaway, of course. But let's dissect this fascinating statement anyway. The fact that people are judged on their looks doesn't mean we should simply accept it and collude with it. And "no harm"? There certainly is harm in teaching kids that their looks are what matter as much as their talent or skill.

"Feminists" (of which I am one) do not object to differentiating men and women. What I object to is making assumptions based solely on gender. I want to be judged as an individual. Being a woman may make certain traits more likely. But while you can extrapolate general trends from the behaviour of individuals, you cannot interpolate the behaviour of individuals from a set of general trends.

I don't know what happened--I really, really slept, in a 'forgot my pills' way. Only I hadn't. And it was pretty much solid. I think I woke up around 8 and went back to bed (can't remember) but I didn't even wake after that. And I didn't have my contacts in, so when I fumbled for my glasses and looked at the clock, I had a shock: 14:51! Neil really let me sleep in. (Aliza must have been pretty well behaved, too: I'm a heavy sleeper, and it takes a minute for me to wake up when she fusses, but if she really cries there's no way I wouldn't hear it.)

Anyway, we got Aliza some new sleepsuits today, 3-6 month size. Mothercare had buy 1, get 2nd half price on 3-packs, so we got 2 sets--she'll need them eventually even if some of her 0-3s still fit. It's just the sleepsuits that are a problem--the non-footsie things seem OK, probably because a centimetre either way doesn't matter.

I'm starting to think about getting her more (heh, some!) toys/activity things, now that she's more awake and curious. I'm not sure what to get though. I was looking (online) for some type of arch/gym thing to use with her playmat, but a lot of them seem to be an integrated system with the mat. We don't have an enormous flat, so I do have to keep that in mind. Our living room is being babyfied, though ;-) there's the playmat on the floor near the TV, then space for the Moses basket stand, and a bouncer (we got one for free which I was happy enough about--sure, the vibrating ones are fun but she'll probably prefer a swing when she can hold her head up anyway).

One thing about only buying things when we need/want them, though, is that it seems like we go shopping all the time! Not very fun for Neil. Unfortunately, some of it's unavoidable--they do grow out of clothes fairly quickly!